August 29th, 2017

Finding Comfort

With money being tight after shopping for school supplies and clothes for three kids I’ve had to become resourceful with dinners and what’s left of our funds until payday. I’ve made oven fried chicken, jambalaya, hamburger vegetable stew and tonight something with ground chicken. It can be a little stressful trying to make ends meet when they are no where near a mile within each other but it is what it is. I can write about all the ways to have a better stocked pantry or buying on a budget or better financial health but I’ll leave that to the experts. What I can tell you is the amazing amount of comfort that I have found in cooking.

Working two jobs and spending time away from my family hasn’t done my mental health any good either and has even made me feel worse-like a failure. I can’t tell you how many times I have picked up my sketchbook and pencils and what little motivation I had to even do that only to put them back down. This is my depression, my ever constant steadfast companion holding my hand and reminding me of a darkness that is always next to me.

There are times that I find light and it comes in my son’s voice asking me what’s for dinner. The look on his face, trusting. This look reminds me that I can’t give in or give up and a basic need he has, he trusts that I won’t let him down. We both make a decision about what we will turn a few ingredients from the cupboard and freezer into a meal. There is my comfort. My light through the darkness. It may sound small and trivial to some but to me it’s my light. I’m able to provide as a mother to my son. This is where I turn my back on my companion and with every stroke of the knife against the vegetable and stir of the protein in the pan and the voice of my son, ‘Mommy that smells awesome!’ is a step away from my dark guiding friend.

Have you thought about what brings you comfort and light away from the darkness? I would love to hear.

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