365 Day Post: 85

I’m mentally exhausted and need to finish prepping my portfolio sample presentation for the job interview on Thursday. I’m wondering if I should pick up new spring semi-casual attire for the interview? I worry about that later but for today’s photo my son handed me his new socks and I had the idea to use this little lost kitty for the image. Happy Tuesday Y’all!

#1C4AA6, #0C2659, #F2E205, #D9B504, #A67841

A Quick Daily Study: 48

It’s morning and I’m up. That’s about as good as it’s going to get since my head is still fuzzy. I don’t think it helps that I haven’t been following my diet or really exercising. I did great until the weekend then I had Ostara with the kindred and after that, it was downhill from there. I’m going to try today and a get back on track. I did sleep through my first alarm to get up and exercise but I’ll get on the treadmill today. I’m going to start here with my Havamal study:

Pocket Version

Generous and brave men lie best, they
seldom cherish sorrow; but a base-
minded man dreads everything;
the niggardly is uneasy even at gifts.

I think this stanza is saying that brave men rarely talk sweetly about a loss like they would a brave act. We don’t share much about a sad occasion in our lives as much as we do about something we can boast about that took some sort of courage. It’s ok to cherish the sad events because it’s what helps make up who we are. As to the second part of the stanza, I’m a little lost. I think this is talking about two more different types of people with the base-minded man is a person that doesn’t grow or travel beyond his own backyard so everything that is new to him is frightening. The second I had to look up the meaning of the word ‘niggardly’ which states that it’s a person who is not generous and stingy. So, this person being uneasy at giving gifts would be uneasy for the obvious reasons of being stingy. It could also mean that the person doesn’t care for receiving them as well because now they are obligated to return the favor. This is what I think this stanza says.

Happy Tuesday!

365 Day Post: 84

I took it easy on myself today and almost fell asleep when I remembered I didn’t post the image for today. I have come 84 days now without missing a day and I’m not about to start now. I may do it a few minutes before the midnight deadline with only sparse copy but I made it (I’ll usually go back and edit the next day).

Today’s photo was done and to tell you the truth I have NO IDEA what these little guys are. My husband got them for me (it was a mystery box type of thing) and reassured me that they have been around for a while in the TMNT world. I’ll take his word for it as I’m more of a Batman girl.

#162526, #455952, #B9BFA3, #BFADA3, #73332D

Event Anxiety

I’m taking a day off from work today so I can recuperate from the Ostar event with the kindred. No, I wasn’t drunk or hungover. I got ample sleep so it’s not from lack of sleep and trying to explain the fuzz is difficult. I just told my supervisor that I had a stomach bug. In reality, it was my body trying to mend from anxiety and fear. To join the kindred a person needs to speak up in front of everyone at an event such as Yule or Ostar. The anxiety is crippling and I could never speak up and ask. What if everyone voted no?

The Ostar egg hunt went great, the kids had fun painting, and the fire spinning was beautiful. The ritual was moving as always…well, they move me in the sense that it feels right and I’m at home. I was chosen or how it was put, ‘Volutold’ (a cross between volunteering and being told) to be this event’s Valkyrie. Immediately I started to panic. I was reassured that I had one simple line (that I had to say to everyone) and move on. I couldn’t tell you how many times I practiced that in my head. Over and over the line repeated. Not only do I have that going through my head so I don’t screw it up (because it’s a great honor to), I was working on not tripping and falling into the fire or impaling myself with the drinking horn. I think it all went well, I didn’t screw up the line I needed to ask nor did I impale myself on the horn. In the end, it was time to read runes. To uphold the rune reading four wooden ones are thrown to choose people to help in this by reaching out but also sacrificing something. You guessed it, one landed in front of me. I had nothing on me other than my Mjolnir, wedding rings, and a silver tree ring that was an anniversary gift. I wasn’t giving up my wedding rings and my Mjolnir didn’t mean as much as my anniversary ring. So it was the ring that went into the fire. The sacrifice had to be meaningful and this was the only thing I had. My finger is bare but truth be told there isn’t any regret.

As the evening wore on our Sumbel was taking place under the northern lights. I don’t mean we could see them but we were RIGHT UNDER the lights. As I didn’t think things could be any more perfect the moon was rising over a house and the glow was an orange magnificent light. It came time for the circle and I made it through the first two rounds. I hailed the Gods and ancestors but then it was time for the third. Oath, toast, or boast. Oaths are not a no-no but are taken with the utmost care. If you fail with an oath it will affect the kindred Wyrd. That scares me so. I didn’t have anything to toast to but I could have toasted our hosts. DAMN IT! Why didn’t I think of that then? Oh, yeah (wave at my anxiety here). I had a boast which was my job interview I landed for the 28th. Before I could speak, a wonderful person tried to encourage me to ask to join. It was horrible but in a good way. Everyone was staring and people had to vote. I almost threw up twice and held my breath waiting to hear a ‘nay’ but none came.

Now, my body is trying to get better from the panic, fear, and anxiety felt on Saturday? Probably wondering why if it was so bad, do I put myself through this? Because it’s that important to me. Heathenism and Asatru mean that much to me. So today, I’m trying to regroup and think about the responsibility that I have asked to take on. Not only am I learning a new path in life, upholding the modern heathen ways, but I’m also gaining a family. I hope I don’t fail at that. I hope I don’t fail at anything.

So…happy Monday everyone!

 

365 Day Project: 83

After a beautifully anxious night, we decided to stop for breakfast and my husband pulled this little guy from his pocket. I almost wanted to give the project up for today and rest but he pushed me in the right direction. The lost kitty looks like he’s contemplating a great deal sitting on toast with grape jelly below.

#B155D9, #CE99F2, #322C59, #BF4904, #732407

Happy Sunday Y’all!

365 Day Project: 82 UPDATED

I’m posting this from our Ostara celebration and I’ll fill in the information tomorrow. I’m glad to post my photo.


UPDATE:
Last night was so much fun. I really wanted to try and take a decent picture of the fire spinning. I think I should have adjusted my ISO and maybe held the phone more still. I really need to get a tripod or Gorillapod for the phone. It was awesome last night but that’s for a different post. I tried to frame the image following the rule of thirds.

#0B0000, #F2DC99, #F2AB6D, A6431F, #40170E

365 Day Project: 81

I don’t know what’s going on with WordPress. First my comments then I’m not able to view certain blogs in my reader section for a few days then they appear. It’s so frustrating. Tonight’s photo is brought to you by the toys at the self-checkout and my son choosing one. I think this is supposed to be one of the evil Siamese cats from Disney’s Lady and the Tramp. Now that the errands are finished and he’s tucked away eating ice cream I can get this posted and try to figure out what to dish to make to pass. Happy Friday Y’all!

#BF5084, #0487D9, #05C7F2, #D9BD8B, #592C1C

Dreaming Wheel

I’m so behind on my writing and luckily I’m slow here at work for the moment. I wanted to take the time to try my hand at today’s photo prompt.


‘This is the dumbest decision ever!’ Lara scoffed buying a ticket for the Ferris wheel.
‘You said you’d be willing to try. You’ve been on some horrible dates anyway, so what’s to lose?’ Liz chided snagging one herself. The tickets read, ‘Sit and enjoy the ride. The person across from your carriage is your true love.
The girls jumped in their carriages and around they went. Lara’s turn came to meet her date when she saw Liz walking off with HER ex. Deflated, she immediately regretted everything until she saw him.
‘Hello, I’m Tucker.’
‘I dreamt of you!’
‘I know.’

© Jo Creative PTSD Gal
Word Count: 100

A Quick Daily Study: Stanza 47

Today is going to be a busy day and even busier when my kiddos are in tow. The hubs is working late so our Friday errands are all being completed by me. But, he works hard and things still need to get done but in this way, I can take my time. I also need to get ready for our Ostar celebration with the kindred tomorrow which normally I’m on top of but I have NO IDEA what I’m going to make for a dish to pass? I’m still super excited and I’m working up the nerve NOW to speak up in front of the kindred. Here we are at stanza 47.

Pocket Version:

I was once young, I was journeying
alone, and lost my way; rich I thought
myself, when I met another.
Man is the joy of man.

How true is this? Being young and finding a friend that you can relate too? Being a teen was a difficult time for myself and I’m sure many others. It’s those friends that you find and it seems to make everything a little more bearable. Then growing up happens but I’m sure that’s a different story. Friends, even in adulthood, bring so much happiness in your life. I’m super happy to be traveling a little ways this weekend to meet with the kindred. As the more I get to know them the more I can feel a friendship form.

Happy Friday Y’all!

 

Letting Go; 18,000 Pieces at a Time

Remember when I wrote something about going to the library with the husband? The trip sparked 2 ideas/goals and a new found love for books. I don’t have time to read but I have 8 hours a day at where I work to listen. We aren’t supposed to listen to audiobooks but I do anyways…or now I do. I’m almost done with an Anne Rice novel and I forgot how much I enjoyed her style. I wish I could write like her but in shorter stories. There’s one.

Two is the library hosts their own quilt show/contest. Oh my! The talent in some these quilts. Next years theme is Flowers and I really REALLY want to enter but the problem is I don’t know how to quilt. Not like what was on display there. So, do I get a machine and try or just put that thought on the back burner? I’m looking into second-hand sewing machines and will YouTube the S*!+ out of the subject and even get to the library for how to books.

Three. The biggy. Picture it, the South, the early 2000s. I’m in my first trimester with a sibling for my other kiddos. Money is tight for my young family both parents not experienced enough to deal with adult responsibilities. The military pay wasn’t all that great, especially for our growing family and I offered to get a job at a local restaurant. My husband at that time had FORBIDDEN me to work. I was lucky I could leave the house, truth be told. He had been hoarding a clothing allowance that he received for almost a year. It was HIS money. It was ALL HIS MONEY. I woke up one morning and purchased a $350 18,000 piece puzzle. Believe me, I paid for it later but not with money.

Now, almost 11 years later this puzzles sits at the top of my closet. Only opened once to see what it looked like inside. A box of bad memories and pain just sitting and collecting dust. I noticed when visiting the library that there was a puzzle in the back area on a table being put together. I had asked about it and the librarian said it was sometimes put together by the staff, sometimes it was put together by other people. ‘Would the library take a donation in the form of a puzzle?’ I knew when I asked she probably thought that there were pieces missing or that it was in rough shape. The shock on her face when my husband carried in the puzzle. It was heavy for me but he carried it in like a bale of hay.

‘The box looks a little rough. It has traveled with me, baggage if you will for over 11 years. The four sections are bagged separately. Each section to a bag. This is number 17 out of 8216 puzzles made and the shipping slips show that it’s from Germany originally. There’s a certificate of authenticity and a poster for image reference. Can the library use it? It will finish 9 feet wide by 6 feet tall.’ She was overwhelmed and excited to receive it and the only thing I asked was to see it if and when it’s finished. She didn’t need to know the history of the puzzle.

I feel lighter. A reminder of past pain and abuse (both emotional, mental, and physical) related to that box is gone. I don’t need to hold on to it and something awesomely great will come from it. The beauty of the craftsmanship of the puzzle will FINALLY be put together. I still have a lot of healing to do and this was a great step forward.

365 Day Project: 80

I went outside! Then the wind was all, ‘Nah girl. I’m fixin’ to make it unbearably cool and knock over your toy.’ I found the perfect location. A drain with water running in it had the light on it and it looked great. That wind made it chilly and it was powerful enough to keep knocking over the figure. I didn’t want to chance losing it down the drain. I made a promise to my son that he can have ALL the toys and legos after the project was over. Secretly, I’ve been giving some to him so my husband doesn’t notice a slew of toys.

#568333, #0DD9C4, #F2E30F, #F2CC0F,  #A18F89

Weighing In on Weighing In: Week 42-Technical Difficulties

I got up this morning and noticed immediately my rings were tight on my finger. I shouldn’t have enjoyed the popcorn last night. I go to weigh in and a quick flash of the 178lbs bounced to the letters ‘LO’. UGh! It needs a new battery and don’t you know I don’t keep the D or C or whatever the odd rectangle battery is on hand.

What this tells me that I didn’t gain but I didn’t lose either. I’ve been doing a 10-minute workout in the mornings (my abs are screaming at me right now) and stayed within points. Things I’m going to try to get me out of this slump eating more fat enriched foods (the good kind). I think that would help my body a great deal and not feel like it’s starving. I’m also going to try a 15-minute workout but also more sleep.

I enjoyed tilapia tacos, street tacos, and crab salad. Yesterday, I had pancakes! I parted with 5 points for breakfast and made Kodiak Cakes protein packed pancake mix with the addition of blueberries. YUM!

Happy Thursday Y’all!

Photo Credit: Kodiak

365 Day Project: 79

Tonight’s post is a bit late. I took my husband to the library to get his card. There I learned that they put puzzles together in their free time. I had a wonderful idea that would help me cope with my past but that will be for another post. Tonight’s photo is of a character figure that my son threw in my purse and I discovered it. Sitting there…begging for a photo-op.

#4D3159, #5F328C, #BFA10B, #735706, #73461F

A Quick Daily Study: Stanza 46 and Ostar

I didn’t want to start a new season being a slacker and going to try really hard at work to keep a positive attitude so I got up and did my workout. Why today? Well, it’s Ostar.  Ostara or Eostre who gave her name to Easter, complete with rabbits and eggs and symbols of rebirth. Today is the spring equinox and the season of rebirth. My family and I will not feast tonight but I will keep this day in mind and try to view everything with heathen eyes and virtue. We feast this weekend. Thanks to modern times and the need to work and bills it is wiser for the kindred to get together and celebrate when there isn’t any work. I will not sacrifice an animal but as a modern heathen, I will ‘sacrifice’ in my own way. Whether it be time, part of my own supper, or burning a special piece of art I created. Sacrifice is what is meaningful to you or giving part of what little you have and doesn’t necessarily mean spilling ‘blood.’ Now for the stanza:

Pocket Version

But for him yet further, whom thou
little trustest, and thou suspectest his
intention; before him thou shouldst laugh,
and contrary to thy thoughts speak:
requital should the gift resemble.

Well, again here we are with friends we don’t fully trust. In fact, we know what they have done. Remember in the stanzas before that a gift exchange could be in the form of appreciation, spending time with a person etc…? Here, it’s showing a disrespect when a person is talking. Knowing that it’s nonsense or false there is no ‘gift’ exchange but rather demonstration of how we would have little respect for the person. Why keep these people around? I have just simply had no more contact with these types of individuals? Maybe more on that will be discussed.

Happy Wednesday Y’all and Happy Ostar!

365 Day Project: 78

Well…I’m hosting a ‘boys’ night. My son has a friend over, do boy things, and eat pizza. I’ll leave out the burping contest winning results (you’ll thank me). I thought it would be a great time to pull out a ninja turtle. I can do better but I thought this was cute.

#BF3F86, #152B59, #1E6072, #D9CBA0, #CDA364

A Quick Daily Study: Stanza 45

I’m late posting (writing in general) this morning due to my having to search vectors for a logo to incorporate on a shirt for work. Why am I doing it from home? Because I’m BLOCKED from most sites. I’m even blocked from viewing images just to see if that’s what’s needed. But here we are at stanza 45:

Pocket Version

If thou a hast another, whom thou little
trustest, yet wouldst good from him
derive, thou shouldst speak him fair, but
think craftily, and repay treachery with lies.

This is a follow up not only to yesterday’s stanza but also to Stanza 42. I think that this stanza is advising that if you were to have a person that you call a friend but not one that you fully trust or even call to confide the most embarrassing or difficult situations in, it’s ok to still be friends and to speak nicely of them. Don’t talk about them behind their back and keep the knowledge of their true self you yourself. Think before speaking with them. If they have done you wrong in some form or another, the next time you speak with them, don’t tell them the truth in anything about what is going on with yourself. ‘How’re things going at work?’ Instead of me telling them that it’s a toxic place I would simply reply, ‘Things are good. What’s new with you?’ If I were to tell them what was truly happening that could come back and bite me in the ass. Another lesson for the kiddies.

Happy Tuesday Y’all!

365 Day Project: Day 77

I’m getting a little frustrated with WordPress and the comment section. My comments are not showing that I have them but my email is. WP is aware but not going to hold my breath on the issue being completely fixed anytime soon. Today’s photo was actually taken yesterday. I just wanted to post the kitty with the books. There was no flash used but the light from the morning sun coming in made it seem like there was. I think I was able to capture an ‘Ireland-esque’ feel for the color palette. I was really trying to capture perspective but also an image with a focal point that draws the eye. I like it but think I can do better.

#32D98B, #D9C179, #594B39, #D93D3D, #A63F3F

A Quick Daily Study: Stanza 44

I have Mr. Rogers on TV this morning (it’s super early) and I needed a break from the news and I’ll get to that in a minute. The episode that is airing is ‘giving and receiving.’ Mr. Roger’s gave the deliveryman, Mr. McFeely a box with cookies as a gift. The deliveryman thanked him, appreciatively and Mr. Rogers explained how the thank you, appreciation and excitement was a gift in itself. Made me smile because that reminds me of Stanza 39.

The news is breaking my heart here lately. The brutality of the New Zealand attack to the senseless murder of a young girl. I’m a heathen, not a white supremacist and I wish the symbols used in heathery and/or paganism wouldn’t be stolen and used for hate. Everything on the news this morning was hard to understand. Here it is, Monday, and I’m going to read today’s stanza, try and understand it, and get to work.

Pocket Version:

Know, if thou hast a friend whom
thou fully trustest, and from whom
thou woulds’t good derive, though shouldst blend
thy mind with his, and gifts exchange, and
often go to see him.

The Havamal is huge on having true friends. When did that become a concept that no one understands anymore?  What I understand from this stanza is that if you have a true friend, first, nothing but good could come from that. A friend that has a positive effect on your life and you to there’s.  Have a visit with them, or spend time with them and learn from each other but also enjoy each other’s company. Now, the exchanging of gifts doesn’t necessarily mean materialistic/physical items but laughter, appreciation, and time are given during the time being with each other.

I like this stanza as it’s one of the more positive ones and it highlights the benefits of having true friends. I have spent so much time being burned by other people that I don’t really have a true friend. Maybe I should place an ad?

Happy Monday Y’all!

 

365 Day Project: 76

Last night my husband and I were invited out to drink at several St. Paddy’s night events. As usual, we opted out because we are getting old and drinking all night isn’t as appealing as when we were young. This morning however I had made plans to have a traditional Irish breakfast with another couple that would include the ‘Dublin Bloody Mary.’ We showed up, got a message that they weren’t going to make it. I’m just going to leave out the weak explanation. My husband and I enjoyed a great breakfast but the cancel (4th time in a row) put me in a bummer mood.

For today’s photo, I decided on happy upbeat colors and decided books for the happy reading lost kitty would be great. And since I had such a heavy breakfast I’m off to make a salad. Happy Sunday Y’all!

#8C2034, #D9415D, #D95988, #D4CB76, #BFA450

365 Day Project: 75

This morning was mine and my son’s ‘coffee date’. This is where he gets hot chocolate and I get coffee. He was a little disappointed that I told him, ‘no toys’ as I wanted to try my hand at a ‘moody’ coffee photo or as I just learned, ‘lifestyle’ photography. I need more practice. But the barista did awesome making this look yummy.

#BACDD9, #BF9E3B, #BF7A26, #735E4C, #732D14

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