Weighing In on Weighing In: Cheating

I have no one to blame but myself. I lost all motivation this week. It started with Ostar feast with the kindred. NOM NOM NOM. I don’t regret that one bit. What I do regret is the lack of preparation after that. I refuse to drive anywhere exhausted or with alcohol in my system. It doesn’t matter how many hours have passed since my last beer (4). I didn’t prepare for the next morning. I wasn’t going to raid the fridge of my host. Instead, we went out for breakfast. NOM NOM NOM. The Girl Scout cookies were another mistake. NOM NOM NOM. I couldn’t say no to the birthday treats at work either. NOM NOM NOM.

Compound all of this my body trying to heal from the overwhelming anxiety and not being active. Today I’m back on the wagon outside of walking on the treadmill. It’ll be late by the time I get home from my interview but I’ll make it up with a morning working workout and an extra long walk in the evening.

Happy Thursday Y’all!

Weighing In on Weighing In: Week 3

This week has been a little stressful but a little more successful. As you know last week my progress was actually not that good. I actually gained a pound. I committed to some changes and was a little bit more happy with the results. I am down to 194lbs. I was a little upset because I took a sneak peek at my weight on Wednesday and see 192lb! Still trying to wrap my head around that one.

Eat the Dailys:  This was a suggestion as my body may think it’s starving. I did just that. I ate my daily points and at least 1 or two of my weekly points. I even learned to eat out and resist temptation. I’m getting better at not drink my points but I have mastered a 5 point Bloody Mary (recipe at the end). I learned to eat at two restaurants and didn’t leave feeling like I was missing out and felt full.

The Problem: I do LOVE a crunchy snack or my sweet tooth dances in my forehead and found point positive solutions but I would like to try something else. Just because I have the points to play with doesn’t mean that it has to be junk. An alternative that I am going to try next week is to add more good fats to my diet and see if that helps curb my snacking.

My Upcoming Goals: I’m going to try and cut back on my snacking (even point positive snacks) and try to add good fats back into my diet. This may also help to curb my appetite. The WW online program updated my fit points to 64. That means more work on my part. I have extended my walks a little longer but I am going to try and add more jogging into them.

I’m more of a whiskey drinker but find that here lately it doesn’t agree with me. I love a good dark beer but can’t afford the points for that. But if I am going to part with points I want a drink with substance (and edible garnishes…Bloody Mary’s need their veggies). Ok, the good part:

My 5 smart point Bloody Mary:

 

Here’s to hoping more weight loss next week.

February 24th, 2018

Late Start

I didn’t wake up late, in fact, I have been up since 3 am. Instead of taking care of me or doing what I wanted to do for me I catered to EVERY capable human being under my roof. My husband is feeling better but didn’t help with the shopping or putting up the shopping. He didn’t help when I needed to clean. In my head, I can’t stand clutter or things just laying around. I get anxious and nervous and even get ready to fight rather than flight. I recently learned that is because of the years and years of trauma and abuse.

I left early for the store figuring that it wouldn’t be busy and at first it wasn’t. I got out of there as soon as possible. I feel it would have been sooner if I didn’t have to do the self-checkout with 2 weeks worth of groceries and no help. That irritated me to no end because all I wanted to do was get out of the store. Pulling out of my parking space, I slammed on my brakes. The woman started yelling at me as she was still looking down at her phone. I slammed on my brakes before she even knew what the hell was going on. Then had the nerve to yell? Get home, just get home.

Kids start helping put up the shopping and my husband (who is still suffering from the flu) was hungry. Made his food and began to clean up. Then he states, ‘We can go to a movie tonight’. I was a little dumbfounded. For someone who is still feeling like crap why would he want to go to the movies? Now, to prove he is feeling better he’s helping with the laundry…slamming things around. This makes me nervous so I thought it would be a good time to paint.

I have been imagining this key, play and regal all at the same time. It’s the remnants of a dream I had but can’t remember. Now that is out of my system I have a creative writing course that I have signed up for and will begin so I can prepare for my NaNo experience. So, if I can get through at least 4 lessons in the course then I can start my doodle project tomorrow. If I don’t plan for these things then they will never happen.

February 1, 2018

I had a really great ending to the month of January and to keep the momentum going I went to work this morning with a to-do list for things that need to (and stuff I want) get done. I had new logos to draw (I love a challenge) and wanted to get my first 6-word story done for this month. Also on my list, was my reading journal because I got my hands on one of the books that are on my 2018 ‘Book’ bucket list and wanted to get that started.

I had all these great ideas for projects and feeling very creative until my partner in the art room was talking to a supervisor and ‘Bob’ came in. Now he’s the one that’s I wrote about in my journal post from last month just to recap. I already had a mild headache but completely bearable and he had said something to my partner but never addressed me. He sat there for what felt like 5 minutes (never addressing me) then got up and slammed the art room door. Anxiety started to rise in my chest. I sent him an email apologizing for ignoring him and I sincerely thought that he was talking to my partner. He never acknowledged my email or me. Instead, he sent another email with this:

(my name) You need to do this:

Then lists what he needed from me. I did what was on the list and never even got a thank you. More anxiety and even panic. Now I’m wondering if he’s trying to get me fired and worried he’s personally out to get me. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt like a nobody. I apologized for something that I didn’t do and gave an explanation to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I was acting exactly how I acted when I was with my ex. How could I let him do that to me?

I could go to my managing supervisor but he doesn’t do anything. We don’t have an HR. I don’t know what to do. I was feeling great yesterday because I figured out the 3D software that my hiring supervisor wanted me to figure out. Super proud of myself and now I’ve been reduced to nothing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should talk to him only for him to browbeat me into some more apologies. I’m going to try and write my 6-word story…I’ll start there.

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