Let me start by saying that it has been a hectic past two days and this is going to be a long read. This time of year can always be especially at the first of the month. I even forgot something SUPER important but when my husband gets up he’ll get what’s needed. Now, I’m one of those moms that will only step in when the problem is for a parent to intervene and take the wheel OR it stresses my children out to the point of them losing themselves. I have raised my daughters to be proud of themselves and that just because they are beautiful young women that don’t make them a ‘slut’. It’s not an invitation for anyone to harm them. Understand the situation that unfolded my daughter owned her part in it but she is NOT responsible for the way it was addressed.
Yesterday imagine you’re walking into the lunch room with your friend by your side. You’re talking about the upcoming weekend and the band concert next week. You’re not thinking about the shirt that you have one and have worn 1000 times before, right? No one really is until a teacher yells across the lunchroom, ‘pull your sleeves up! No one was paying attention to what you were wearing until now. The room goes quiet and everyone turns. You look at your friend nervously and pull your shoulders up only to get yelled at again, ‘PULL THEM UP MORE’. You frantically pull them up until the blouse front starts drooping and you panic. Everyone is watching and the teacher is staring you down. You give up, with a red face you put on your hoodie. You feel like your taking the walk of shame as you walk up to get your lunch believing everyone thinks you’re ‘that’ girl. The teacher NEVER formally dress-codes you. It was a huge embarrassment. You walk through the rest of the day, with your head down, in a hoodie because of the situation that happened.
This is what happened to my daughter yesterday. She got to the car and just started spilling EVERYTHING before she was fully seated. I listened in horror. My first instinct-truth-was to hunt through the halls for this teacher and humiliate her like she did my daughter and worse. Instead, I took her home and went for a drive because I didn’t want her to hear the phone call I was about to make to the principal. Unfortunately for me, fortunate for her, she was in a meeting. So I set out to write an email:
My Name is NAME, DAUGHTER NAME mother. Jo is fine. I tried calling after school today but was informed that you were in a meeting. I understand wanting to go home after a trying day and not return an angry mother’s call. I’m having a trying evening too as my daughter is upset about what occurred during commons (lunch). My daughter was walking into the lunch room when Mrs. TEACHER NAME (probably butchered that spelling) yelled out for my daughter to pull up her shirt. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. I cannot STRESS that enough. My daughter admitted that she was breaking dress but wore this shirt many times before with a wide strap halter top underneath and no one EVER said anything. Now, she wants everyone to know that she isn’t ‘that’ girl. She wants everyone to know that she isn’t a ‘slut’. Thank you for allowing my daughter to be humiliated in front of TONS of people, some of whom were wearing code violations but were not humiliated and shamed. When my daughter pulled her sleeves up it wasn’t enough and she YELLED AGAIN in front of everyone to pull them up some more. HUGE problem! Not once but TWICE! She SHOULD HAVE walked over to my daughter and asked her to step away from everyone and said something. Instead, she thought it was best to yell, in front of other students? This is unacceptable. The shirt is now in the garbage. EVERYONE watched as my daughter, red-faced, put her hoodie on. She wanted you to know that she isn’t ‘THAT’ girl and doesn’t get into trouble. But your staff has labeled her as such, verbally, in front of everyone that was sitting in that room.
What the teacher obviously didn’t think about (through the whole ordeal of humiliation and shaming of my daughter) is this could’ve caused backlash and ridicule from other students. You of all people should understand how some children are with taunting and bullying. My daughter hasn’t had much of an issue with this and I hope after today’s episode it STAYS that way. If not, I will hold Mrs. TEACHER NAME and yourself accountable. How do I explain to my daughter that I know she isn’t ‘that’ girl? How do I explain that Mrs. TEACHER NAME wasn’t singling her out because she thought she was a slut?
My daughter deserves an apology but she doesn’t want one. She feels like it’s all her fault. In partial, yes it is for wearing the shirt but she IS NOT responsible for how you allow your staff to address situations. A teacher can yell at my daughter, humiliating her, but can’t say a word to the kid that is cussing a teacher out? That makes so much sense. And to top EVERYTHING off, DAUGHTER NAME did not receive an official dress code violation! What was the point?
My daughter wants you and everyone else to know that she isn’t ‘that’ girl. I will work on building her confidence back up about her body and not to be embarrassed about it. That she is a beautiful young woman and being so doesn’t make her ‘that’ girl. I’m furious beyond what you can imagine. I am ‘that’ mom and will say that this is UNACCEPTABLE. This needs to be addressed! DO NOT HUMILIATE OR SHAME DAUGHTER NAME ANYMORE! My daughter also knows that she has been instructed to call me and put me on speaker during any meeting that is about this matter if she is included.
You can either reply to this email about this matter or call MY CONTACT NUMBER
This is an example of the shirt she was wearing:
I also included an image of the shirt that was identical to the one she had on. What the picture doesn’t show is that my daughter wore a tank underneath this style shirt. I did get a call from the teacher but it went to voicemail because my mom had to stop by with my birthday present and even though I don’t get along with my mom all that well it’s still disrespectful to answer the phone during her visit. There will be a meeting today and I have to work but according to the voicemail that the principal had left is that I will be placed on speaker during the meeting. Probably a good thing because I am ‘that’ mom that mom that has a temper.
I don’t know when it became an issue. When did clothing afford the right for humiliation? When did society say it was ok to break a young woman down for the clothes she is wearing but not punish the kids that cuss out teachers? When did my daughter’s bare fucking shoulders become the reason that boys can’t study or wait, eat lunch? She NEVER has been catcalled or anything while wearing this shirt and wasn’t in that room when that teacher yelled at her. My daughter doesn’t want an apology because she is embarrassed and I want this woman’s head on a stick. But for now, I’ll wait until the meeting and have my say.
What are your thoughts on dress code violations and how they should be handled?