I managed to do my evening errands and exhaustion is setting in. I have coffee with the kiddo then I need to get things together for paint night with the ladies from the kindred. Tonight I’m posting from my phone. This is what temptation looks like.
I only failed at one goal I had set this weekend. I beat myself up for only a bit when I realized that it’s ok. I wanted to create another video on Saturday…Sassy Saturday, trying to quickly recap the week but that didn’t happen. Those adults that actually use the weekend to relax are effing UNICORNS! Or I’m doing life all wrong. I think it’s because I waste 40 hours a week at a job. Oh, and the kids! Too good to walk ANYWHERE and always needing rides. Or the fact that NO ONE in the house can put a meal together to save their lives. This feels more like a rant…moving on. Saturday…I did adult things like errands. Oh, I also set up a payment arrangement for default student loans that I can’t afford and cried into the AWESOME ooey gooey triple chocolate brownies. If that’s not adulting at its finest I don’t know what is.
I wanted to do something to relax, a way to zone out my adult problems so I tried my hand at something new…woodburning. I saw these CUTE little Norse Yule ornaments but I couldn’t afford the prices because I wanted ALL of them. It also felt personal for me to make these. What I learned…don’t use cheap wood discs that are prepackaged at the local big box store. And that with that revelation…I needed more wooden discs! Y’all, this was so relaxing and I was so EXCITED to see that it didn’t turn out to be a HUGE fail.
I was also able to squeeze in a kindred’s book club meeting yesterday and happy that the next book is actually a free one. Perfect for my holiday budget 😁. I have some reading to do, wood to find, and a Yule Goat to make. The goat will be for another post. I’m sure after watching how-to videos it’s going to be a mess. Happy Monday everyone!
Week 12 – bringing in a total of 3 months and 21lbs gone. I really don’t see it but my husband assured me that he could tell.
I was nervous this morning getting on the scale after I indulged in the homemade bread and cheese and that was AFTER I had teeth pulled and eating/drinking soft (high) point foods. But I was SUPER excited to see that I lost another pound. It wasn’t 2 or 3 like the week before but I’ll take it. I’m hoping by the end of the year to lose at least 20 more but worried about winter. I HATE the cold and walking outside will have to stop. I do have a fear of falling on the ice as well and now need to come up with plan B and quick.
I did, however, get to try something new and will be buying in bulk and freezing for a treat during the winter. I’m a huge popcorn fan-HUGE. I love crunchy almost ANYTHING and found a recipe for roasted whole kernel code. You will need:
- Corn on the cob (I used to whole cobs)
- 1 tsp of olive oil
- couple sprays of cooking spray
- seasoning (use what you prefer and like or experiment with seasonings and lemon or lime juice)
- parchment paper
- cookie sheet with sides
Preheat oven to 325°. Cut the corn from the cob and place on sheet. Add olive oil, couple sprays of cooking spray, seasoning, and mix. Bake until crisp, shaking pan occasionally, about 45 minutes.
Check after 25 minutes making sure corn isn’t burning.
Also, thin corn tortillas- One is 1 point but I like to lightly spray both sides, add a little salt, and bake until crisp. These are a great alternative to tortilla chips that are high in points.
Today is weigh in day. I made some changes and this morning a question. Now, I did a sneak peek at my progress (I have GOT to stop doing that) and seen that I was down to 189lbs. This morning I weighed before walking and it read 194lbs. Umm…wtf?! I noticed my fingers were swollen and thought maybe it was because I just woke up. I walked, got weirded out by a cop, came home, had some water and weighed in. 190lbs is what the scale gave me. Did I gain a pound? I’m not too sure because I took the scale in the bathroom and it told me 196lbs. Even bigger WTF thoughts. I will be getting a new scale as I’m beginning to think that the scale is in cahoots with my diet that tried to use my chopping skills against me earlier. No, but I will be purchasing a different scale.
PLUS side…I lost more weight! I added healthier fats back into my diet like a butter/olive oil spread (hello yummy!), found that I can snack on Rold Gold Pretzels (but now I dip in PB2 powder peanut butter adding the protein back into my snacks and yumminess), and I’m not starving myself by hoarding points. They’re there so why not eat them? I have turned down free pizza, cake, and even BBQ lunch here at the office and I’m not completely bitter just glad that I could pass it up. That means I’m learning self-control. I’ve also learned to enjoy my coffee without all the bells and whistles and drinking more water.
The WW app asked if I wanted to up my activity point goal to 70 and I had to turn that down. I don’t think I’m ready for that because I have so much going on. Taking care of family/house, daily painting, daily doodle (not giving those up at the moment), the Friday Fenton project (update coming tomorrow), writing class I signed up for, and my blog. I’ll try to do it on my own without it counting first.
Totally happy with my results so far but cautiously aware that there will be bumps in the road. Here’s to hoping for another successful week leading up to weigh in day.
Happy Solstice everyone.
What an absolutely frustrating morning. Last night we had storms that came through and knocked out the electric. Woke up, the electric is back on but I don’t have time to paint. Got ready for my walk and it’s still pouring! Tell you the truth a little panic set it. I cheated and did a sneak peek on the scale before the walk that never happened and I’m down to 189lbs! So, I will have to walk tonight which means a quick dinner and a battle with the humidity. Add the BS spam comment this morning, I’m not giving up but feeling overwhelmed and out of place. It’s going to be a late night tonight.
I looked up today’s prompt and the first few searches were about a superhero character. Then I was reminded of a character in the movie, ‘The Mists of Avalon’ (the history behind this movie is a little dark) and the scene of a ritual. By definition, it’s a female that hunts game OR a female animal that hunts prey. This was a hard one as I’m trying to bring positive words and vibes and save all the spooky stuff for October.
Prompt Word: The Huntress
So, it’s week two of my diet. I should be embarrassed but I’m posting anyways. I have not strayed from points, haven’t cheated, and have continued to walk daily. In a previous post, I mentioned that I gained 2 lbs and thought I had been doing everything right. I was concerned with how I was doing the program and was given a little advice to try.
What I’m doing: Eating below my daily points.
Suggestion: Eat ALL the dailies. Your body feels like it’s starving so try fueling it.
What I’m doing: Not dipping into my weekly points. (I’ll hoard them but not use them, I don’t know why)
Suggestion: Eat some weeklies. It’s ok they are there for a reason.
Some other suggestions are that my walks are putting on muscle which weighs more than fat, water bloat from salt intake, and drink water. I’m drinking water but I do love my salt. I’m going to try the eating techniques. If that doesn’t work I’ll keep trying but at least I lost what I gained. So, I’ll try harder and hope that next week’s weigh-in experience is a little better. It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok. You’re in it for the long haul (just wish the distance wasn’t as long).
As for the recipes I tried, I didn’t get to take pictures but one of my favorites was the Slow Cooker 3 bean chili, blueberry sauce and yogurt, and chicken with veggies on a corn tortilla. The awesome find would have to be the chicken and apple sausage. 2 points for one link and it filled me up with scrambled eggs.
I have made many goals and fails at almost all of them. I’m proud of my blog and being able to participate in writing and artistic challenges. There are days I slip but I get back on track. There are days that my anxiety fuels stories but then there are days my depression keeps me from putting in my 100% that I always try to apply. I made a goal to write every day and I do, mostly. I made a goal to quit smoking, so far so good. I made a goal to either doodle or paint every day, and I do that mostly too. My new goal is to lose weight. I’m doing ok. I know I will slip but I’ll still try. Do your dreams become goals or just leave them as dreams?
Prompt Word: Goal Maker
Journal confession time. I have been harboring a lot of guilt about a goal that I set and actually went the opposite direction. I wanted to lose at least 20lbs at the same time I quit smoking. I haven’t had a cigarette since January 12th but need to lose a LOT more weight. I’ve tried keto (didn’t satisfy) tried smaller portions (already do because of the gastric bypass) and a lot of other gimmick stuff. I realized that I’m happy with my ability to find time to paint and write but need to focus on my weight.
I took a walk this morning before work and writing and felt really bad about how I looked while doing it. How can I exercise when I feel anxious about people watching me and possibly secretly judging me. That’s the anxiety working in me and shaking hands with the depressive state that I fall in with. I could’ve easily gone home but reminded myself that it was still dark out and people are heading to work and are probably late. I walked fasted just to get home before the sun came all the way up. My daughter turned 16 today and I thought if I keep going the way I’m going I’m not going to be healthy enough to enjoy my kids anymore like I was before. So, part of getting healthy this year was to quit smoking and I think I nailed it. Now, it’s time to control and manage my eating and weight. This entails me going to the store after work, purchasing a weight scale, and possible leggings to walk-in.
I researched many options and due to my family’s strict budget I made the first step and signed up for Weight Watcher’s Freestyle program. Fingers crossed I’m able to figure out meals with what I have and will get what I need (portion size for one because my family eats regular foods without a care in the world) on my next grocery shopping trip. Speaking of grocery shopping with my C-PTSD and anxiety I learned that I can shop through Wal-Marts grocery app which will also help me from going through the aisles and shopping with, ‘Oh that would taste awesome’ mentality.
After joining (still needing to feel out a few profile fields), I saw where I can track what I eat. Banana, coffee with chocolate caramel creamer, a babybel cheese, salad with greek dressing and croutons all added up-QUICKLY. It was clear about my food choices and guilt turned to shame. I synched my Fitbit app to my Weight Watcher’s app, opted for water instead of V8 and only had 1/2 cup of spicy ranch popcorn. I will research tonight more recipes and things that I can change and do differently.
I feel better fessing up to my guilt and shame and I guess I’ll take my readers along with me. I’m still going to write, paint, and doodle just now I’ll do it hungry. Kidding, not hungry but mindful of what I put in my body.
I would love to be in the middle of a forest right now. Being forced, OK, it was more of a requirement to work during my breaks that I use to do my 15-minute random doodles has thrown me off all day today! I did not forget and now the feeling of doing something wrong is gone. I continued even though my anxiety was shooting through the roof getting side glances from my office partner.
Random Word: Forest
I don’t own cats but this one’s personality seems to fit mine. The time that I have slotted for this is during my 10-minute (but I will and do take the extra 5 to finish a doodle if need be) break at work. I’m not walking outside to smoke so why not fill this time doodling. Taking time to do this during my work day helps my anxiety.
Random Word: Cat
Caved, I Did
So I have set a goal to finish a list of books this year (here’s the list) and wasn’t going to finish a series until I read the first book of each one and other books on the list. I also didn’t want to use a Kindle or audiobook. Confession-I fucking caved! I had just finished ‘Cinder’ and was going to start ‘Jane Eyre’. I usually read at night when a flashback hits. But I learned something about myself that I didn’t think was possible. In my head, I read to relax but it’s hard for me to relax into a book when I’m on edge trying to come down from a night terror state, constantly looking out the window and checking door locks.
I was able to re-read the first chapter 3 times before I even began to understand some basic characters. Instead of giving up on my goal of getting through the list and quitting (which is something that is easy for me to do…you know the whole fight or flight thing. I’m a frequent flyer when needed) I found an audiobook app that doesn’t cost anything (YAY keeping on budget) and I am in LOVE with this book now.
Having the capability to put my earbuds in and listening to soothing voices of characters all drowning out stress from my surroundings was a comfort. I’m on chapter 10 already and can’t wait for the next.
So yes, I caved but why am I so hard on myself? I had set a goal and it doesn’t matter how I get there just as long as I do…safely and with me intact. Goals are supposed to be rewarding and challenging, and when completed satisfying to better one’s self. I’m here saying it was OK for me to cave and get the audiobook. It’s ok…it’s ok…it’s ok. ‘You didn’t fail, you found a solution!
Instead of painting tonight, I updated my reading journal and feel super relaxed after doing a heinous sketch (I can say that because I need more practice).
I made it with only minutes to spare to do my 6-word story a day post. This is what happens when anxiety and depression hit at the same time. I’m going to count this post as a strength and self-love. I think it’s also fitting that the prompt word examples my life these past few days.
Prompt Word: Challenged
Her ‘everyday’ is her distressful trials.
I can’t believe I managed to keep this going for a full month! Usually, I’ll start strong and finish with ‘not so good’ and settled with ‘OK’. Not this month! Yes, this post is later than usual because I normally like to write first thing in the morning when the house is quiet before work but I overslept due to not feeling good. Got to work and immediately slammed. I did, however, jot down a sentence on my break and posting now during my lunch.
My world has opened up and I’m learning and discovering things each day including navigating within this society with CPTSD.
Her new world unfolded leaving him.
SUPER EXCITED! I started working on a writing prompt! My VERY first one! I know I have a main character named Sessy who is (surprise surprise) a bar owner in New Orleans. I will draw artwork up after the story is finished from A to Z and will post bits from my first draft and even possibly do a serial. I like to think that the story will end up being longer than a handwritten page. EEK
Words to include:
- And it’s supposed to have something to do with a weird request at a piano bar.
“But did you seriously just ask me to come into work?” I could not fathom what one of my seasoned bartenders was asking of me. With a long awkward silence from the other end of line, she finally confessed that she was to scared to work tonight. I simply said, “OK” with a heavy sigh and hung up the phone. The controversy over whether or not the explicit instructions would keep everyone safe INCLUDING the bartenders was still being questioned, or maybe they were just letting the thought of the curse getting to the better of them.
This is the first paragraph that I only have time for because I am doing this on my lunch break and running out of time.
Does it intrigue? Or do I need more details. Comments welcome. SUPER EXCITED!